Nox Est Perpetua Una Dormienda
by Ambiguous Rose
Summary: "You have your mother's eyes," he whispers with his last broken and dying breath, and never has that line held more meaning than it did at that moment.


_Author's note:_ Written for the line in the movie that had me bawling like a baby last night at midnight. What an incredible end to the series. {Though perhaps the best part of it was the audience's reacting and cheering to various parts of the movie and me and my friends sitting there sniffling the whole time and of course the "boos" that accompanied the stupid Breaking Dawn preview.} Mostly unedited and kind of an amalgamation of the book and the movie. Anyway, this is the beginning of a slew of Harry Potter stories that are clogging up my Document Manager.

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Harry Potter, which is JKR's, though every fiber of my being wishes I was a part of it. And I don't own the title, which is a line from Catullus Five and means, something along the lines of: "A perpetual night must be slept" and belong to Catullus, who can't really do anything about me using it. Also, I do not own any lines you may recognize, nor the summary, which is actually something a friend of mine said when we were discussing the line this afternoon.

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><p><strong>Nox Est Perpetua Una Dormienda<strong>

The Dark Lord hisses and he-

_he,_ Severus Snape, Youngest Potions Master in centuries, the once Head of Slytherin House, the once Headmaster of Hogwarts, the once traitor-turned-spy, the Half-Blood Prince, _the once, and most importantly, best friend of Lily Evans_

-feels himself scream.

He knows that he should register the agony. That something like being killed by the Dark Lord's pet should register on the pain scale somewhere.

But, oddly enough, it doesn't. He knows, deep down, that the snake biting him is not why he screams.

He screams because he has failed.

He screams with frustration and horror because…

He can no longer protect the boy-

her boy, her son, Lily Evan's son, who has, beyond everything, her eyes, and who is, though he will never admit it, kind and thoughtful and so, so much like her that it hurts him to look at the brat

-and can no longer do what he is supposed to do

what he _must _do

to redeem himself.

And he needs to redeem himself so that he can face _her, _who held his heart and whom he betrayed.

The Dark Lord says something, but he doesn't hear it- he only hears Dumbledore's words echoing in his head.

"_Help me protect Lily's son." _

_protect. _

_Lily's. _

_son._

He imagines for a moment, that he sees her eyes staring down at him filled with shock-

_and horror and pity and regret_

-and he feels such a pain in his heart because he cannot bear the stare. Cannot bear to look into her eyes and see such feelings. Cannot bear to have her look at him with such pity and horror.

But…

They are not her eyes- they are her boy's. Just so different that he, who loved those eyes more than any man ever did, can see that they are not hers.

And he has so much that he must tell him-

him_, her son, _the one with her eyes who is really there, staring down at him and who

_needs_

_to_

_know. _

"Take… it…" he tells the boy. "Take… it…."

_Take it and understand, _he cannot say. _Take it and understand why I hated you from the moment I saw you. Take it and understand why I protected you from the moment we met. Take it and understand that, in my own way, I truly cared. _

**Breathe,** he tells his body. **Draw breath long enough that I can look at him and see Lily- **

**See my Lily. **

**I need to see her. **

"Look…" he gasps as his body refuses to obey him, "at… me…"

They are Lily's eyes. He can see the difference, but they are Lily's eyes.

But he failed Lily. And he failed the boy. And he failed Dumbledore who was willing to destroy a man's already broken soul for the innocence of a child and failed the boy who was kept alive like a pig for the slaughter.

But most importantly he failed Lily.

He knows the boy has heard it before, he knows that what he says means nothing to the child, but he says it anyway:

_You. _(I hate you, boy, and cannot tolerate the sight of you,)

_Have. _(because you have everything in the world that I could have ever dreamed of)

_Your. _(and everything that I could never lay claim to-)

_Mother's. _(because the person who was the most important aspect in my life- the woman whom I loved and held more dear than anything in the world)

_Eyes. _(could never belong to me.)

**But I am willing to die before your eyes, because they are **_**hers. **_

And he stares into the depths, and feels himself drown-

**And she is the one thing in this world that has ever meant anything. **

-but the green-eyed gaze on him never falters.

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><p><em><strong>And when he focuses again he sees the boy's eyes once more. <strong>_

_**But they are not the boy's. **_

_**They are **_hers.

_**And he is in her arms and-**_

suddenly he is a child again, holding on to his friend with all of his might and he never, ever, wants to let go of these arms and this woman, and he will never again let this woman be hurt

_**-suddenly he can feel again. **_

"You are forgiven, Severus,"_** her voice tells him in his ear, **_"Welcome home."

End.


End file.
